Gutted

Thursday 29th July (Day 15)

I kept my black lace panties on in bed last night and for the first time in weeks, with my head full of the most incerdible visions and thoughts, became hard.

Not fully aroused (only Mistress Carina can do that to me) but enough nonetheless to get some temporary relief at least from all the stress and frustration that's been building of late. I kept myself that way without touching for as long as I could and before drifting off to sleep with pre cum still seeping through my knickers.

Mistress Carina made no comment on my new blog, only that I must've been "gutted" to have lost the old one.

Friday 30th (16)

I've been thinking long and hard (no pun intended) for the past week or so about what I might be able to do in the future to cope better during periods such as this when Mistress simply doesn't have time for or any interest in me. I accept that they're inevitable, we're individuals after all and there are going to be times when our needs, wants and desires simply won't be in sync.

Where we differ most, from a D/s point of view, is that I reached a point long ago where I need

to be able to be openly submissive 24/7 in order to survive, to explore my feminine side whenever I can to escape the stresses of everyday life and feed my insatiable appetite for nylon for much the same reason whereas Mistress is able to put the lifestyle to one side every once in a while.

While I'm not entirely sure what I can do, or rather what my Mistress might permit me to do, the one thing I am certain about is that I have to find it within myself to be more open and honest with her about my feelings and emotions, if I can do that much at least then I just might survive. It's my self confidence that's the problem, that and my self esteem and I need to work hard at improving them both.

Saturday 1st August (17)

Quite out of the blue Mistress Carina sent me a link to this and another video via MSN yesterday evening..... Sissy Denied ...... and has also changed her profile picture, which I can only hope is a sign that her enthusiasm for the lifestyle is in the process of reigniting.

Sunday 2nd (18)

While I was tidying up Mistress' old laptop I stumbled upon a copy of my infamous list and the comments she made on each item I included. I never thought I'd ever see it again after my old blog was deleted so it was akin to finding buried treasure, I'll repost it here the first chance I get.


Monday 3rd (19)

We're going on holiday!

After much deliberating Mistress Carina has decided on an eight day stay in Belgium and France for us both this year.

The ferry's booked and in less than three weeks we'll be loading up the car and setting off across the Channel.

Needless to say I'll be doing everything I can between now and when we return to make sure that Mistress has the best time possible and enjoys every single second.